You Can't Hurry Love
by Sympathy Heart
Summary: Episodes that are funny and short, sweet, and to the point. Mention of drugs in a few chapters but otherwise funny. Get ready for some major laughter!


**You Can't Hurry Love**

This is just a crazy little deal I thought of one night so I understand if it sucks. Well, here goes nothing. Really

Episode 1: Meet the Butlers

**Cast**

_**Champ: Jake Butler – the husband**_

_**Cheer: Trixie Butler – the wife**_

_**Seafriend: Leslie DeAngilo – Trixie's ditzy sister who tries to get Jake to go out with her**_

_**Wish: Francis – Jake's overly protective mother**_

_**Defender: Steve – Jake's father**_

_**Grumpy: Earl – The next door neighbor who has issues with the Butlers**_

_**Tenderheart: Ashley – Jake's 14 year old brother**_

This episode starts off at the Butler home in Miami Florida on a balmy summer afternoon. Trixie Butler and her sister Leslie DeAngilo had been at the mall shopping for Jake's birthday when they decided that nothing would be right for him so they decided to head back home and try to think of something else to do for him. When they got back to Trixie's house it was quiet so they knew it was safe to talk without anyone hearing.

"I don't know what to get him. I should have just gotten the automatic butt massager." Trixie fretted and flopped down onto the couch.

"That thing didn't work. It kept squeezing my butt instead of massaging it." Leslie countered.

"That's because you have no butt for it to massage."

Right as Trixie was about to suggest something else for a gift the front door flew open and Jake stormed in with his yammering brother right behind him. He tried to block out the talking by covering his ears with his hands but the sound still seeped through. Jake couldn't stand it any more so without stopping to say hello to his wife he went into the kitchen and came back out with a butcher knife. Trixie and Leslie just stared at him with a shocked look on their faces.

"Have a good day, honey?" Trixie chirped and stared at the knife that was dangerously close to Ashley.

"Please make it shut up. I'll kill myself if I have to keep listening to it." Jake pleaded and pointed to Ashley.

"Well, on a lighter note I'm afraid I couldn't find you the perfect birthday gift."

"The best gift in the world would be if you could shut that thing up. I've tried everything; shoving food in its mouth, smashing his head against the car window, yelling at it, drowning it. He just won't shut up, and if I have to listen to it another second I'm not going to be around to see another birthday."

Trixie got up from her seat on the couch and walked over to Ashley and bent over to his eye level. As soon as he saw her he instantly stopped talking and left the room. Both of the others were baffled by how quickly he shut up and went to leave them alone. Trixie stood up and smiled at the two and then strolled up to her husband and gave him a quick kiss.

"Well, this might cheer you up. It's not a normal birthday gift but it's something." She drew in a breath and let it out with a sigh. "You're going to be a daddy! Isn't that great!"

Jake's face drooped and he stared at her with a horrified expression. "Come again?"

"Yeah. I knew you'd be happy about it, but you don't look happy."

She watched as he walked over to the front door and opened it. "Where are you going?"

"To see Earl so he can spare me the misery and just shoot me now. I know he's been wanting to ever since we moved in."

"True, but don't kill yourself. I mean Leslie and I like your company."

"No, Leslie just wants me to marry her even though she's too stupid to figure out that I'm already married to you. Besides, why did your parents even have her?"

"She's the result of too many beers and hormones." Trixie explained.

"So you're saying she's the accident child?"

"Mm hmm!"

Later that afternoon a gunshot was heard and everyone jumped when the door banged open. Jake flew through the living room with Earl and his double barrel shotgun right behind him.

"I knew one day I'd get the chance to blow your head off! And baby it's here!" Earl whooped and continued chasing him.

By the end of the day Jake was still alive and was ready to go to bed so he and his wife went up to their bedroom after Leslie left. Once in bed He spoke up.

"You weren't serious about you being pregnant were you?" He questioned.

"Yep. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't."

"Oh, for the love of money!"

This is the end of this episode so I hope you come back to read the others! See ya!


End file.
